H makes me angry. I hate H.
I hate him, I hate him, I hate him...
I just realized another issues between me and him. Allowing him to snuggle me and treat me in a very personal way, there is no way he would ask me out. The reason for this would be that I am already allowing him to treat me in such a way that it feels as if there is no farther we could go in the relationship. There is no incentive to ask me out, because anything he would want from me as a girlfriend, I am already fulfilling.
I don't want to like him. I don't want to think about him. I want to get over him. But he is right here in my face because I AM FUCKING LIVING WITH HIM. Why shouldn't I hate him at this point?! But even more, I hate myself for becoming the pathetic one who still has feelings for a guy who has long moved on. FUCK MY LIFE.
I already found out I won't be getting the job at that one place because Y is a compulsive liar. The manager said there are not any spots open.
Also, Y lied to his brother that I had a job, and eventually his brother will find out. We will never get into an apartment, or we will and then he will kick me out for one reason or another. So inevitably, I am stuck here with an ass who still holds my broken heart in his hand, but he doesn't want it. So now my heart is gone, trashed, an accurate portrayal of my worthlessness.
Beware of the nice guys. Mine turned into a dick. He always was one, just pretended not to be when he was infatuated with me.
Not to completely lay out the obvious, but I am NOT happy here.
So when he asked me just a few minutes ago what was wrong, I pursed my lips around my sucker and glared at him. He isn't right for me anyways. Who could ever possibly love someone like me?