Tuesday, April 24, 2012

Don't you know how it feels when you weight the same up and down, withing a few lbs no matter what for MONTHS?!?!?!
I'm going crazy!
It's not like I don't try. But what small effort I can give is worthless because my metabolism won't unfuck itself.
And H is always making me eat. Kills me...
Someone put me in a coma so I can not eat for two weeks and not even know it...
God, I have sinned so many times and yet you still won't strike me down... Maybe this Friday before a binge? And maybe I can stay under for a while? Thanks anyways God...
I guess I'm too fat and ugly for him to love me- no hater comments please.
There is some white on my nails. I have managed to stop chewing. Walking into the store next to K in a tank top is hell I found out. If I look anything like her since we weigh around the same, I don't want to live. I felt putrid and disgusting. I would give anything to be the weight of Miss Mad, or you others.
This is the thing, the torment called Ana. And yet, she feels so safe...

1 comment:

  1. lol "no hater comments please" :)you make me giggle.. it is the torment of Ana, even when I was smaller I wanted to be smaller, even when I was thin there was always someone thinner.. maybe if we reach our UGWs that will change?

    Btw, you know when I was stuck and you suggested eating small amounts at intervals for a few days? I think that worked for me so maybe it might work for you?? I am dropping tiny baby amounts and also its made me more motivated to be stricter. the body hangs on to the calories we put into it esp when we cut down to near nothing.

    Thats why sometimes I feel eating nothing is better than eating at all.. if thats wrong then whatever, I guess its just Ana.

    lots of love hun, hope you feel better soon, hope things pick up too it breaks my heart when things arent going well for you x